The internet outdid itself this week. Highlights: the English language is a bully, America is having an identity crisis, Queer Eye is emotional labor porn, Gwyneth Paltrow is Goop’s Martyr, NYT continues its feud with Los Angeles, R. Kelly absolved himself of everything he admitted to, Demi Lavoto overdosed, Mo’Nique defended Rosanne Barr, and Cardi B. told Drake Rihanna does not want to talk to him. 


1. The Guardian: Behemoth, bully, thief: how the English language is taking over the planet

This article does a wonderful job articulating what most people know to be true: that English has become more than a language. “English is everywhere, and everywhere, English dominates. From inauspicious beginnings on the edge of a minor European archipelago, it has grown to vast size and astonishing influence. Almost 400m people speak it as their first language; a billion more know it as a secondary tongue. It is an official language in at least 59 countries, the unofficial lingua franca of dozens more. No language in history has been used by so many people or spanned a greater portion of the globe. It is aspirational: the golden ticket to the worlds of education and international commerce, a parent’s dream and a student’s misery, winnower of the haves from the have-nots. It is inescapable: the language of global business, the internet, science, diplomacy, stellar navigation, avian pathology. And everywhere it goes, it leaves behind a trail of dead: dialects crushed, languages forgotten, literatures mangled.”


2. AlotOnMyMind: The Great White Fear: White America’s Real Problem with Immigration
America is having an identity crisis. The American immigration system is also currently fucked. This country has a history of forced assimilation and “for immigrants to strip themselves of their original culture, language, and customs and take on those of whiteness. Or, better yet, to just fade into the background of ‘American culture.'” As historical revisionism of American narratives continues the “agreed principles, values, and myths that gives the country a coherent sense of identity” continues to be challenged and transformed.


3. The Baffler: The Queer Art of Failing Better

I knew I was going to love this article when the author said “now and then, I get accused of not being able to enjoy anything good and pure, like a fluffy reality show, without subjecting it to rigorous political analysis. This is cruel and only slightly accurate—in fact, subjecting things to rigorous political analysis is exactly how I get off, and I’m far from alone in that.” I am also one of those people.

This article best encapsulates how I feel about the new Queer Eye: “The work that the Fab Five are doing for the luckless, loveless men of Georgia is girlfriend work. It is emotional labor, domestic labor, the work that anyone who has ever dated a straight man will recognize… There is a reason straight women love this show. It’s the pornography of emotional labor.”


4. The New York Times: How Goop’s Haters Made Gwyneth Paltrow’s Company Worth $250 Million

LMAO! This article is so fucking funny! I can’t quite tell if the author likes Goop or not but her descriptions are spot on. She describes an interaction with Apple, Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter as follows: “A teenage girl orbited herself into the kitchen. She stuck her hand out to me. ‘I’m Apple. Nice to meet you.’ She had a fine, assured grip and a blunt bob and eyeliner and looked like a child version of the Wes Anderson character Margot Tenenbaum, which, of course, she was.” Emphasis mine.

Here is one of the descriptions of Goop’s ascent: “The weirder Goop went, the more its readers rejoiced. And then, of course, the more Goop was criticized: by mainstream doctors with accusations of pseudoscience, by websites like Slate and Jezebel saying it was no longer ludicrous — no, now it was dangerous. And elsewhere people would wonder how Gwyneth Paltrow could try to solve our problems when her life seemed almost comically problem-free… With assaults coming from all sides, Goop began to dig its heels into the dirt, not only because dirt is a natural exfoliant and also contains selenium, which is a mineral many of us are lacking and helps with thyroid function. Now Goop was growing only more successful. Now Goop was a cause, and G.P. was its martyr.” Emphasis also mine.


5. The New York Times: Finding Yourself in Los Angeles

I don’t love this article, but I love the feud between the New York Times and the city of Los Angeles. The New York Times has a history of writing shitty articles about LA, making readers question if the writers have ever actually been to the city. As a person that does not really like LA and has only spent a couple of days there, this piece is so bad. Needless to say, the feud continues on as the “article has drawn significant feedback” and “since been edited.”


6. SoundCloud: I Admit

I don’t even know how to start with this. On Monday R. Kelly released a 19-minute song via Instagram live call “I Admit.” As Vulture puts it, “‘I Admit,’ which is an extended admission of a lifetime of reprehensible behavior that falls just short of incriminating himself… In it, Kelly addresses his many controversies, including his pedophilia, running an alleged sex cult, and Spotify briefly removing his music from its playlists. But if you were expecting confessions — as the song’s title baits — don’t: Kelly absolves himself of any and all blame.”

To exacerbate everything, the song is also soooo bad. I am not sure how I listened to the whole thing. It is the same beat for most of the song with R. Kelly’s whiny voice saying “I admit” for 19 minutes while not actually taking any responsibility.


7. Twitter: Stan

So this has not been blowing up the internet but it has been blowing up my internet. This week one of my friends has become obsessed with Eminem’s “Stan,” and has posted about it on a few different platforms.

“Stan” tells the story of an overzealous fan who “wants Eminem to contact him through a personal letter or a phone call; but, due to unfortunate circumstances, the letters don’t reach Eminem in a timely manner. Believing he has been ignored, Stan uses a tape recorder to document his most disturbing act yet: he ties up his girlfriend, stows her in his trunk, and drives along a rainy highway, intending to drive off a bridge… invoking the popular urban legend that Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” was a true story.”

The song is the origin of the slang term “stan,” which is more relevant than ever in pop culture.  


8. The Guardian: Demi Lovato’s honesty on mental illness is a rare gift

Demi Lovato, who has a history of addiction and mental illness, was hospitalized for an overdose on Tuesday. Lovato has been open about her struggles, and on June 21st released the single “Sober,” singing “I’m sorry that I’m here again/ I promise I’ll get help/ It wasn’t my intention/I’m sorry to myself.”

There has been a tremendous outpouring of support for Lovato. Many are commenting “Lovato’s cycle of recurrent illness is a more accurate reflection of the reality for many: sometimes treatment works and sometimes new treatment is needed. Sometimes people are able to adhere to their regimes for managing their illnesses and sometimes they lose track” while others are pointing out that “black celebs suffering from drug addiction deserve the same support” as her.


9. Blavity: Mo’Nique Calls Roseanne Barr Her ‘Sister In Comedy,’ Says She Wouldn’t ‘Put Her On The Racist List’

Damn. In an interview with KTLA Mo’Nique defends Roseanne Barr and idk what rock she is living under. Like yes, Roseanne Barr is racist. Barr has a history of saying batshit crazy things. It was not one tweet, it was many. The gifs in this article explain the internet’s reaction perfectly. 


10. Twitter: Drake: Riri do you love me??

What can I say… I love a good meme! 



*All images taken from reference articles*

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