Bio: Born in Union Memorial Hospital on Monday, May 20th, 1957. First five years in Northwood. Dad moved us to a big house in Catonsville after discovering that 7 kids + 2 parents in a 3 bedroom row house = violation of the housing code, as well as a serious breach of common sense. Catholic school until I reached the age of treason. Public school thereafter.
Spent a couple years working in a Montgomery Wards department store, where I was paid to dress mannequins for the window displays and not chat to the cute cashier at the photo kiosk. Nice bosses, good paycheck, dumb job. Studied photography at RIT, in Rochester, NY. It was warm in school, but fingernail-lifting cold outside. I wore my jacket year round and met lots of very nice and otherwise intelligent Rochester people, who actually owned houses there.
Returned to parents’ house, 26 years old, highly educated, unemployed, and deeply in debt. Took a job at MICA and fell in love with all things Art. Began to photograph for my art pals because it was fun to see their work and careers evolve and it felt good to be of some help. Left MICA to freelance in photography. Photographed for ten years all over the United States of Suburbia, glorifying overvalued and uninspired real estate for real money until I ran completely out of nice people.
Found a really nice MaryAnn, and we had a really nice 5.5 lb. Chloe, bought a nice little house, and watched in slack-jawed wonder as the crack war trashed our neighborhood. Traded my nice little house for a nicer house in a very nice drug-free zone. Returned to photographing artwork exclusively, for very nice art people, and make swell North American landscape images for myself.
Name: Joseph Hyde
Age: Just over 20,000 days, but frankly, I don’t feel a day over 15,000.
Occupation: Freelance photographer. I photograph artwork for artists, galleries, and institutions. I photograph trees for what they are, and for what else they are. I’m lucky to have a loving family, a deeply satisfying job, and personal projects in photography to soothe my weary soul.
Baltimore Neighborhood: We’ve lived in Westfield since 1994. No one’s ever heard of it, and even I sometimes have trouble finding my house at night. So, over the years we’ve cajoled two large bushes to grow into each other and form an arch over the sidewalk that leads to our porch. Now I just look for the gigantic croquet wicket, and I’m safe at home.
Obsessive Collections: I have a bulging collection of collarless shirts and straw hats that I purchase on eBay. It gives me something to look forward to finding in my mailbox and, coincidentally, something to miss dearly in my checkbook. I once bought a Russian officer’s coat from a nice fellow in the Ukraine. It was long and blue-gray, and exactly like one I saw wearing Anton Chekov in a photograph. Out of a very crumpled box, it sprang, full of life, all nice and new, and double-breasted with lots of gold-colored buttons. Unfortunately, the beautiful coat, it proved a bit tight-fitting, so I gave it to a sculptor, the gifted and talented David Friedheim. Fits him perfectly. He looks much more like Chekov than me anyway.
Currently Reading: I usually grab a magazine from MaryAnn’s nightstand, which I use to cloak my iPhone, so it looks like I’m reading Yoga Journal or Family Therapy Networker instead of happily pontificating on Facebook.
Coolest Place You’ve Ever Lived: Twice I’ve rafted down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon, so for several weeks I lived in a tent with a new amazing view each day. One night I felt something crawling up my thigh. With my trusty headlamp I spotted a teeny-weeny 1″ baby scorpion, which graciously transferred itself onto my map, thus allowing me to flick it out of my tent. The next morning I mentioned it to one of the river guides, who informed me that I did well, as its these “baby” scorpions that deliver the biggest, nastiest, and most painful bite of all.
Hobbies or Leisure Activities: Music is massive for me. I enjoy the roots rock and roll of Whitehorse and indie pop-rocker Butterfly Boucher.
Favorite Food to Eat at Home: Tofu, vegetable stir-fry. I chop the veggies and then get out of MaryAnn’s way. Until it hits the table, and then forget about leftovers—t’aint gonna be any. MaryAnn also introduced me to fresh Italian bread, with fresh mozzarella and basil, drizzled with extra virgin olive oil. More difficult to quit than cocaine. Worse even than potato chips.
Favorite Food to Eat Out: I still love Egyptian Pizza in Belvedere Square. We’ve been going there for at least twenty years. I like the warm spinach salad to start, followed by the amazing Dahb pizza with marinated grilled eggplant. An iced mango juice or two. The ever-smiling owner-proprietor is Mohamed Mahnoud. If one day he moves back to Cairo, we’ll probably go there to eat. Just cuz he’s so nice to us.
Favorite Beverage of Choice: V-10 at Zia’s in Towson. It’s the only bar in town where I can drink to excess. Daniela Troia is a godsend. I’ve begged her to open another Zia’s in The Mill Centre where I have a studio, but she says one Zia’s is enough. So sometimes I have to drive all the way to Towson just to get a decent carrot, celery, beet, and ginger juice. Still worth it.
Political Leanings: I’m anti-war, which leaves me without a country to defend, with the possible exception of Canada. I’ll probably have to side with the Maple Leafers when America takes notice of all their natural resources and invades them. I hate religions and flags and all of the popular methods of sorting people by their differences. Inequality and Inequity make me vomit. Baltimore is fairly liberal, which suits me fine.
Favorite Baltimore spot to hang out: I love Cylburn Arboretum, particularly the ancient Japanese Maples. I used to let my daughter and her cousins climb on them when they were pre-schoolers. Now there’s a sign to disparage this behavior. Reasonable but disappointing. I’m pretty sure these trees inspired the statue of Laocoön and His Sons in the Vatican museum. They are that old.
Pets: Two cats. Emma is a brown-black tortie, very Marilyn Monroe, curvaceous and flirty, easy-going, hedonist. She’s sexy, and she knows it, until she wipes her butt on our hardwood floors, which is unsexy, and not particularly nice. Larry is cow-patched black and white calico. He’s an aloof, proud, and fussy Cary Grant that doesn’t suffer fools. Sleeps in bay windows by day and patrols the palace grounds at night. Won’t tell you where he’s been or who he’s been seeing.
Favorite Person in the World: Easy one. Evelyn, my mom, lived to be 86 years of age. Never met anyone quite like her. Beautiful, gentle, compassionate, amazing ravioli, could sew costumes for an entire cast, weave baskets, cane chairs, generous beyond Jesus. Couldn’t add 2+2, not a great driver, but hey, she was good as gold, and deserves her face on Mount Rushmore. (C’mon, Washington and Jefferson owned slaves.)
Movie that Sums Up the Current State of Your Life: Tough one. Maybe Monty Python & The Quest for the Holy Grail. I would be King Arthur. Honorable and dutiful, but often confused, frustrated, and humiliated in this best of all possible worlds.
Favorite Place to Travel: Lately, I’m in love with Vancouver, British Columbia. Nice people. Pristine nature. Safe streets. Clean air. Year round temps 33-85F. Every race and culture accounted for. Every cuisine is available. I’m also in love with the Olympic Peninsula, particularly Rialto Beach, where the heavy Pacific surf hurls massive driftwood trees at the shore and piles them on the beach like dinosaur bones. I feel ecstatically small and insignificant there.
Favorite Quote: “Everyone should have health insurance? I say everyone should have health care. I’m not selling insurance.” Dennis Kucinich
*Originally published July 10, 2012 at Urbanite dot com
